When True Character is Tested

There have been several moments when I wonder if spending my life indoors writing, all alone, will be worth it in the end. Will the story Nine Lives of Nicole Candy matter to anyone? And even if it’s something that matters to me, is it a waste if it means nothing to the world? Isn’t that why we’re here? To make the world and people in it fuller and more beautiful. Aren’t we hear to discover what it means to be happy and content?

This is probably why I have difficulty finding happiness in my own life. I can’t just do something without it being wrapped in fearful thoughts. If I write in seclusion… I may die alone never having found someone to love. If I go into the world and find someone to love… I may never have the seclusion I need to write. And this tug-of-war thinking rules every aspect of my being. Love. Romance. Career. Family (or in my case lack of family). Reputation. Creativity. Legacy. Etc…

I don’t want to have regrets in life, but sometimes it seems as though I’m forced to choose one thing over another. And it’s hard to make those choices when you want both things so desperately.

I could use a little magic every now and then just so I know I’m on course. Or in other words, it would be nice to see Serendipity’s face every once in awhile.

Which brings me back to Nine Live of Nicole Candy. I don’t want to quit (currently on Chapter 14), and I don’t intend to be a quitter. What I do want to do is document (here in this blog post) that as my ratings begin to drop (from #31 to #331 in ChickLit on Wattpad) I begin questioning my purpose in all of this. It’s easy to do anything when you have the praise (or good ratings)… but one’s true character is exposed when she must go forth with nothing more than an internal desire.

Right now my true character is being tested. I hope I don’t make a choice I will later regret in life.

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Luckily I’ve found the support of some truly fabulous Wattpad friends. Their comments to me during this time are are priceless as I attempt to push through my current fears:

From Sally
I hope you will continue. This is one of the best stories on WP (the right mix of humor and real meaning) and I immensely enjoy it. Keep your chin up and the chapters coming XD.

From Lina
Thank you so much for not giving up and giving us your novel instead. This is the best introduction to deep philosophical thoughts I’ve had for a long time. Couched in – unmentionables. !!!!!

 

About Author: Marilyn Hepburn

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